We Don't Talk About Love (11/12/14)

"Libraries gave us power. Then work came and set us free. What price now for a shallow piece of dignity?"

"We don't talk about love, we only want to get drunk and we are not allowed to spend as we are told that this is the end."

"A design for life."

I've not dropped by here for a while. A combination of nothing to talk about and far too much to talk about but not wanted to blog about. You'll know by now that we lost our Dad and that I wrote about it on Facebook and The Anfield Wrap. I didn't want to cover it here, I still don't. It doesn't matter how personal the blog is, some things are private. The idea of writing anything here while he was ill was ridiculous so I didn't.

But there are moments that are worth sharing, moments that are informed by everything that you've been through, by everything that your life is, that you aspired for it to be, that your parents aspired for your life to be for you. Moments that crystallise everything that you believe in, that pull moments together and illuminate the narrative flow of your life. 

As ever, it happens with music.

I went to see The Manics last night. Manic Street Preachers live in Manchester Albert Hall (which is frankly rather too small for the band and therefore an utterly glorious place to see them play) playing 'The Holy Bible' live, start to finish, as a celebration of the album's twentieth anniversary.

For those unaware of the album, it's a masterpiece. It's not their pop phase, it's not 'Everything Must Go', it's not 'A Design For Life' despite the lyrics at the top of the page. There's a reason for them, the reason is absolutely fundamental to the reason we're here and I'll get to it. "The Holy Bible' though; it's one of the darkest albums ever made, it comes from a dark place, a place of pain, of suffering. The song titles should be enough to give you a flavour;

'IFWHITEAMERICATOLDTHETRUTHFORJUSTONEDAYITSWORLDWOULDFALLAPART' 

(very important that there are no gaps in the lettering of that one)

'ARCHIVES OF PAIN'

'THE INTENSE HUMMING OF EVIL'

'DIE IN THE SUMMERTIME'

It's not an album that will see its songs used in the X Factor final. Which is obviously a marvellous thing. The sound, the feel, the emotion of the album are intrinsically linked to the life story of the band's lyricist, second guitarist and driving spirit Richey James, Richard James Edwards. One night in early '95, in the aftermath of touring following The Holy Bible's August '94 release, Richey left his hotel room in London. His car was found two weeks later near the Severn Bridge. Richey was never found. There have been unverified sightings but nothing conclusive or convincing and he was 'officially presumed dead' in 2008. He's the great lost presence at every Manics gig.

So, last night's show. 'Holy Bible' in its unbelievable, dark majesty. Utterly immense. The stage swathed in camouflage netting as their 94/95 tour had been. Just the three men on stage. Dressed in a military manner as they were then (look up Faster Top Of The Pops on YouTube, see the balaclava that brought the most complaints the BBC ever had, see one of the greatest singles of all time). Little conversation - simply muscular, driven, wrought versions of the songs from that work. And adoration. The band have a devoted hardcore fan base. All of whom knew every single tortured word of every single tortured song. Knew them a damn sight better than I. I've never got round to sitting down with the lyric sheets and there are a hell of a lot of words. They're rammed with philosophy and literary quotes. They're intelligent and worthwhile.

Fifty minutes then a break. THEN we get the pop, then we get The Manics that most people know. We get some of the hits and some oddities and it's all joyous and celebratory and it finishes with the ultimate pop release, the ultimate catharsis, the moment that stands as the waking from the darkness of 'The Holy Bible' into the possibility of a new light, of a new start, of hope: 'A Design For Life.'

And this is where the moment came. It's a song that's a moment anyway. An anthem, a big tune, a celebration. It's a moment for all the audience. 

But for me? For me specifically?

'A Design For Life' was number 2 in the charts when our Tom was born. I always told him to remember that song, not to think of the number one because the number one was Mark Morrison's 'Return Of The Mack' and, for me, that doesn't count. That doesn't count on so many levels.

It's the subject of the song though. The subject is everything. It's three working class lads from Blackwood, Caerphilly, Wales defending the working class. It's Nicky Wire, bassist and now lead lyricist, defending the fact that you can be working class and aspire to more, you can be working class and be intellectual, can demand education. It comes from the dog days of the last Tory government, it comes from the last time that we had the upper classes waging class warfare in an attempt to destroy anybody who wasn't their voting heartlands. It came from a time like right now. It came out a fortnight before a Labour government returned. And that Labour government's legacy may be tainted by an illegal war and the modern image of Tony Blair but look how it turned the country around at that point, look at how it took the filth of Thatcherism and gave us new hope. Gave us the hope that lays in the body of the song.

Take the line 'libraries gave us power' and realise that our government cuts resources like these so that the working class aren't allowed access to self education, take the line 'we don't talk about love, we only want to get drunk' and realise that is the attitude that our ruling class has toward us; we don't possess soul or aspiration, we are base creatures with simple pleasures and easily ruled. This is their design for our life. The song stands as a statement and is needed now as much as ever.

So, it stood for me as four minutes that encompassed the last twenty years of my life; I was back in the hospital holding my newborn son as the song poured from the radio, I was looking out of the maternity ward window knowing that his life would be outside these walls and that anything was possible for him as long as he wanted it. That his class was no barrier.

The song was my Dad, contained the spirit of my Dad. I've no idea whether he'd have known the song but it held his spirit, held the spirit of a man who'd worked bloody hard all his life to do the best for his family, held the spirit of every man who'd worked bloody hard their entire lives to do the best for their families. Held their nobility and their dignity in the face of everything that was thrown at them by successive governments who held no regard for them and stood firm with the promise of a better life to come.

And there it was. In a communal moment. In a song from twenty years ago that represented a new start for three young men who were moving through the unexplained loss of their best friend. There was the loss of my Dad, there was the birth of our son and the birth of our second son who definitely wouldn't have enjoyed a single second of last night's music (and that's alright). There was everything that I've ever believed in politically.

There was everything that I believe in.

It doesn't matter that they tell us that we can't spend. It doesn't matter how many times we're told that this is the end. We design our own life. Remember that next May because the first thing this arrogant, corrupt, venal Tory government did on taking power was ensure that the next election would be on May 1st, the day associated with Labour, the holiday of the working classes. It was a moment of contempt, it was taking our day away from us and showing us who was in  charge.

Don't allow them their victory. Evict them. Create the world you want for yourself and your children. The alternative? To take the words from another moment amongst moments last night:

"If you tolerate this then your children will be next."