Write the feem toon. Sing the feem toon. (13/8/14)

Bloody hell. Here we are again. Been a while hasn't it?

It's not like I had nothing to say either. I had nothing but things to say. And I was saying them. Which is why I wasn't here. So, where have I been then?

26th June. What's that? Eight weeks? Eight weeks since I was talking about time travel via the medium of Joy Division 7"s? What can one possibly achieve in 8 weeks? You had to ask, didn't you?

So I made this TV show. A light romantic comedy. Nice, sweet, gentle. I think it's a comedy anyway, I won't know until I see people laugh (or not laugh at it), let's just call it a romance shall we? It's about people who've been hurt in love putting themselves back together and about the things that get in the way of them doing that. I'll tell you this with absolute certainty, some of the performances are absolutely staggering.

And that's one of the joys of the last couple of months - seeing your words given shape by actors, seeing small changes that make your work better than you thought it was in the first place (and we all know what my ego's like; I thought it was stunning to start off with. Except for the days when I thought it was shit  - my work, that is, not theirs. I have declared myself an artiste, I am now officially allowed an artistic temperament and thereby entitled to indulge both rampant ego and crippling insecurity. Often within the same sentence. So, no change then)

But I'm rambling. Not like me I know. The show. Set in a second hand record shop so everybody that knows me will think that I've stolen pieces from my own life. I haven't. Honest.

I managed to make my own show because I fell in with the right people. A group called MSI, writers, film makers, programme makers, playwrights. Because I fell in with them at the right time. Because I was willing to say 'yes, what the hell, go on then' to pretty much anything. I've worked cameras, I've assisted directors, I've been a stunt double (yes, I know but it only involved being hit a few times. By a woman.)

I've appeared on a panel show discussing comics. Five times so far. I sat in a studio surrounded by green screens, arguing about comics. There's no way on God's Earth that anyone can call that work.

I'm contributing to The Anfield Wrap on a fairly regular basis, I've been on the show, people said nice things, I was flattered, almost convinced myself that I knew what I was talking about.

I have - and I never saw this one coming - acted. There were two short films being made in one day. I'd written one of them - oh yeah, forgot to mention that, I've written a couple of short films. As you do - and the other one was missing an actor. So I stepped in. I fancied doing it, knew I wasn't an actor but said 'what the hell, yeah, go on' in a 'what's the worst that can happen?' sort of way. The worst that can happen is that you see your face in a trailer, on your mac, in extreme close up. EXTREME close up. And you realise how old you are and how many lines you have and how wonky your eyes are and how big your ears are and spiral into a pit of existential angst for a day and a bit. Hypothetically speaking obviously.

The good thing about doing it though is that you get to 'act' opposite somebody who actually, genuinely, knows what they're doing. In an exceptionally emotional two hander. It's a phenomenal experience. I recommend it.

So when do you get to see all this stuff? It's coming. It's coming. I'll yell as and when. You know I'll yell as and when. We had a month to get everything filmed, it's all editing and technical jiggery pokery now and the business side of things. Other people's areas of expertise. I just write words and hope someone will speak them.

And on the words front - two rehearsals into production of the play now. Excellent cast, excellent production team (and I'm not just saying that on the off chance that they might read this), all looking good. I liked what I wrote, it's becoming something better, something bigger and the plans we've got for it....

To start with though - five performances in September in Liverpool's Page 2 Stage Festival. We're working bloody hard toward it, I guarantee you that it'll be a hell of a night out.

Then there's the radio show - come on, you know about it, I've banged on about it for a month now, currently trying to make week six work smoothly - too many tunes that sound like they should start the show.

Six months ago I worked in a record shop and I'd spent years thinking there was nothing else I could do. Turns out that I can do anything I want. Haven't made a penny from it yet but it's coming, it's coming. In the meantime, I'm having the time of my life.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: decide what you are, put a name on it and then do it. Take every opportunity you can, you've got no idea what's waiting for you.

(oh. And the blog title? Obviously I wrote, performed and produced the theme tune to my TV show. Never saw that sentence coming.)