2.2.22 Snow globes don't shake on their own

 I think what this is probably going to be about is how wrong we can be in our expectations of the happiness of others, our understanding of what they want and what they actually need (to semi steal a Bob Dylan lyric).

J was working in the study yesterday. Some days she does this, some days she uses the living room; it's warmer. And on the days that she uses the study as a workplace, the music changes. 

I know that not everything I listen to is to the tastes of all. On the days that we share the same workspace I'll opt for the safe and the tuneful, avoid the more outre aspects of my record collection. As someone who'll happily listen to Trout Mask Replica for enjoyment, listen to Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music and find beauty in the oscillations of the feedback, listen to The Jesus And Mary Chain and swear blind that it's pop music, I'm aware that there are songs and albums that are uncomfortable for others.

I know that John Cale's music For A New Society isn't an easy listen, I know Big Star's Kangaroo and Holocaust can be awkward experiences for some. Possibly for most. The fact that I find them beautiful doesn't preclude me from noticing that they be somewhat polarising.

Yesterday I was listening to tracks from the new Black Country, New Road album (Ants From Up There); the whole thing's out on Friday but about half the album is already on Apple Music.

For those not already aware, I adored their last album, their debut album; an album that was released 362 days ago from where we currently sit. I found it a thing of slightly wonky glory; an album that had its precedents but didn't wear them heavily, while still being filled with blatant lyrical calls to the vocalists influences. To the point that he acknowledged in his lyrics just how much he owed to the lyrics of others. Itv was arch, knowing and existed on its own terms.

So, the kind of thing I tend to love without reservation.

(Just swapped from headphones to speakers wired from the Mac as J's gone for a walk, the new album sounds best on headphones, think it might be one of those spatial audio things.)

It was 'Snow Globes' that did it. Nine minutes long, so only the second longest piece on the album. It starts as a fairly naive piece of spare acoustic guitar then the strings come in and move around. And once the strings have established themselves and we have a rhapsodic sway weaving around us, the drums come in. With little regard for anything else that's going on. Either around them or in the wider world. They stutter and flail around the edges of then tune, they're a disruption, an argument.

I obviously loved it. 

J equally didn't.

I could feel her discomfort from across the room, knew that this is an album I won't be sharing. This is one of those that's mine alone. There are no "You have to listen to this" moments in here. And that's fine. 

And none of this is really what I'm talking about. 

I'm talking about the fact that we have no idea what is driving the people who make the music. Its effect on us may not have any relation to the effect it has on them. 

On Monday, with an acclaimed first album behind them, a second album already receiving five-star reviews ready to hit the world in general, and a tour booked, tickets sold, lead singer and lyricist Isaac Wood left the band. With immediate effect. The band will continue as a six-piece but upcoming shows are cancelled.

The continuation might work. Others have managed it. Iron Maiden, Genesis, Steely Dan, Mercury Rev; all survived and flourished after losing their frontman. And the other six are all clearly extremely talented musicians; the sound belongs to all. But Wood's laconic and slightly weary vocals and worldview seemed so much of the group's identity.

Which, again, isn't the point.

The point comes in the statement, where the singer says, "I have bad news which is that I have been feeling sad and afraid too. And I have tried to make this not true but it is the kind of sad and afraid feeling that makes it hard to play guitar and sing at the same time."

There seems to be a world on non specific sadness in that statement. There are things we obviously don't know and have no right to know; Isaac Wood's life isn't ours to explore. But the sorrow, the hurt, the ache in those words...

A young man at the beginning of the top of his game. Feted for his abilities. Living the life that most of us think would be our wildest dream. The ability to spend your life making music, to be appreciated, to be known. 

And it isn't what he needs. It isn't what makes him happy, feel at ease with himself.

It feels such a sad place to be.

I told our Tom about this when giving him a lift home on Monday night, told him about a young man, younger than Tom is, seemingly feeling the need to step away. And he said, "It's better than what happened to Ian Curtis."

It is, obviously. And it's better than how Kurt Cobain's life turned. Cobain was a man who felt he couldn't step away. Obviously far more famous than Isaac Wood, far more famous than most people ever become; somebody who was already an icon in his lifetime and had no idea what he was supposed to do with that, never having asked for it.

Isaac Wood has been able to walk away. You can only hope that he finds happiness and ease from that decision.

He's given something that's made others happy, he deserves his own happiness. 

That's the basic anybody should be allowed; to find what makes them happy in life, and to be happy doing that thing.